did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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