I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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