too bad you live with your parents still
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
