I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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