First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
