You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
