I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
