He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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