dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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