Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
