Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
