I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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