By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sex in a hospital.. check
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
