ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think I am morally bankrupt
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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