I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
