i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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