The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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