I CAN MOONWALK!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
