My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
