He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
