Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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