nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone