I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
