i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
