Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
