hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
