I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
