party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
