Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
