I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
