why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
