You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
