ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
