Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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