We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
