Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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