grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
