My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
