I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
