I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
