hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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