covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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