Cold hands, warm shart.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
