walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
