So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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