I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
