one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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