I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
