so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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