I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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