its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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