If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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