Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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