I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
