i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
