I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
