New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
