i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize