Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
