im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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