i just sent this text using only my big toe
my being single is dangerous.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
