so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
