frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
