Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
