The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
