Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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